When people criticize the way I choose to live
written on Saturday, 5 December 2015 @ 09:13 ♡
My boyfriend and their family keep telling me to get my drivers licence because it keeps getting more and more expensive and I need to have it blah blah blah
I know that they are right with their arguments and that it's very unusual for a girl my age not to have her drivers licence yet but I just have other priorities. Frankly speaking, I don't earn that much money with my job so I'd rather spend it on clothes and other materialistic things and it's just that I really do not need my dl right now. I live very central and I can basically ride my bike or even walk everywhere since neither my university/college nor the city are far away. I literally live next to a tram station so why should I choose to save money for over a year to get the amount I need to do something so pointless? And I don't even want to drive. The idea of driving a car is scary to me. And I really don't understand why it's such a big deal to them. Why do they care?
I mean I get the whole "stop drinking so much Coca Cola Zero, it's not healthy"-thing. But still, why do you want to tell me how to live my life? I can see that their intentions are good and everything but it is really annoying. I'm an adult I can make decisions myself and it's not like they are the ones that should be talking since they drink champagne every friday.
Another thing they usually criticize about me as well is what I'm studying. I'm a "Law of Information" student at a college. Doesn't sound that bad, right? Yeah, no, according to them the faculty I chose to study at is bad since it's not a real university, I guess? But now, tell me, please: Who. The. Fuck. Cares?????????? I fucking chose to study there, I could've gone to this shit ass university, too, if I wanted but guess what; I didn't fucking apply to it because none of the courses looked appealing to me and honestly, I don't think I'm ambitious enough to study something like informatics or engeneering. And my boyfriend his family and also some of his friends keep making fun of me for having a "lower" education, I guess? Well sorry that I WANTED it that way, that I WANTED to study somewhere else.
I think their comments wouldn't even bother me that much if I really enjoyed what I was studying but right now I'm sort of in an existencial cricis since I realised that I do not want to do anything in the field of law which makes the thing I'm studying kind of pointless but they don't know that!! And it's also that in general they make fun of people with lower education I mean why do you care? Why do you feel like you are so much better because of that? Education does not define you as a person you can be educated as fuck and still rape someone for fucks sake...... that's probably the thing pissing me off the most. And the fact that they make fun of lower educated people IN FRONT OF THEM. Not just me but I also saw them doing that in front of others who looked just as annoyed as me.
My boyfriend usually also keeps nagging about how I spend my money. Yes, my fucking money. The money I have earned. The money I work for. At the end of every month when we get our pay I go to amazon and some clothing selling homepages and buy things using the money which, like I already said, I have earned. He and his family just can't understand how I can spend everything.
I've never been good at saving money for anything and there's really nothing I want to save money for right now so why would I do that? For me, buying things is a reward for my hard work. If I don't buy anything I feel like I'm working for nothing, if you know what I mean? And ugh it' just so fucking annoying just let me live my goddamn life fucking hell I really need to talk to him about this issue because I keep getting mad just thinking about it....!!
I know that they are right with their arguments and that it's very unusual for a girl my age not to have her drivers licence yet but I just have other priorities. Frankly speaking, I don't earn that much money with my job so I'd rather spend it on clothes and other materialistic things and it's just that I really do not need my dl right now. I live very central and I can basically ride my bike or even walk everywhere since neither my university/college nor the city are far away. I literally live next to a tram station so why should I choose to save money for over a year to get the amount I need to do something so pointless? And I don't even want to drive. The idea of driving a car is scary to me. And I really don't understand why it's such a big deal to them. Why do they care?
I mean I get the whole "stop drinking so much Coca Cola Zero, it's not healthy"-thing. But still, why do you want to tell me how to live my life? I can see that their intentions are good and everything but it is really annoying. I'm an adult I can make decisions myself and it's not like they are the ones that should be talking since they drink champagne every friday.
Another thing they usually criticize about me as well is what I'm studying. I'm a "Law of Information" student at a college. Doesn't sound that bad, right? Yeah, no, according to them the faculty I chose to study at is bad since it's not a real university, I guess? But now, tell me, please: Who. The. Fuck. Cares?????????? I fucking chose to study there, I could've gone to this shit ass university, too, if I wanted but guess what; I didn't fucking apply to it because none of the courses looked appealing to me and honestly, I don't think I'm ambitious enough to study something like informatics or engeneering. And my boyfriend his family and also some of his friends keep making fun of me for having a "lower" education, I guess? Well sorry that I WANTED it that way, that I WANTED to study somewhere else.
I think their comments wouldn't even bother me that much if I really enjoyed what I was studying but right now I'm sort of in an existencial cricis since I realised that I do not want to do anything in the field of law which makes the thing I'm studying kind of pointless but they don't know that!! And it's also that in general they make fun of people with lower education I mean why do you care? Why do you feel like you are so much better because of that? Education does not define you as a person you can be educated as fuck and still rape someone for fucks sake...... that's probably the thing pissing me off the most. And the fact that they make fun of lower educated people IN FRONT OF THEM. Not just me but I also saw them doing that in front of others who looked just as annoyed as me.
My boyfriend usually also keeps nagging about how I spend my money. Yes, my fucking money. The money I have earned. The money I work for. At the end of every month when we get our pay I go to amazon and some clothing selling homepages and buy things using the money which, like I already said, I have earned. He and his family just can't understand how I can spend everything.
I've never been good at saving money for anything and there's really nothing I want to save money for right now so why would I do that? For me, buying things is a reward for my hard work. If I don't buy anything I feel like I'm working for nothing, if you know what I mean? And ugh it' just so fucking annoying just let me live my goddamn life fucking hell I really need to talk to him about this issue because I keep getting mad just thinking about it....!!
Labels: angry, friends, love, love life, rant, university, work
Busy
written on Thursday, 2 July 2015 @ 19:20 ♡
University is keeping me busy af sigh//
And it is just so fucking hot outside I'm dying....................almost 40° I really hate summer with a passion I think I'm just going to move into the library bc that's literally the only cold place I know rn. I am concerned about my hamster though.. I left my fan turned on and kind of directed it to its cage but idk if that'll do :/
About the engaged guy I made out with; my hormones are kind of driving me nuts the past few days but I'm not going to take advantage of him (?) I guess. Just because I'm lonely doesn't mean that I should whore around with someone who is obviously taken (and who isn't a good kisser).
When will THE ONE show up, though? I'm not getting any younger.......
And it is just so fucking hot outside I'm dying....................almost 40° I really hate summer with a passion I think I'm just going to move into the library bc that's literally the only cold place I know rn. I am concerned about my hamster though.. I left my fan turned on and kind of directed it to its cage but idk if that'll do :/
About the engaged guy I made out with; my hormones are kind of driving me nuts the past few days but I'm not going to take advantage of him (?) I guess. Just because I'm lonely doesn't mean that I should whore around with someone who is obviously taken (and who isn't a good kisser).
When will THE ONE show up, though? I'm not getting any younger.......
Labels: life, love life, university
+ I lost 4kg, - I hate everyone pt 2
written on Wednesday, 6 May 2015 @ 17:23 ♡
So first of all the good news; I lost 4kg!! It took me 4 weeks which is actually a long time concidering the fact that I once lost 7kg in 3 weeks but then again this time I'm doing it the healthy way and I'm not doing any work-outs at all. I simply try to eat less than 1200kcal per day and walk or ride my bike everywhere.
Now let's talk about the not so pretty things.
To be honest, I always expected to find friends I'm going to have for the rest of my life in university but right now it doesn't seem like it. Everyone I hang out with is super friendly and nice but I just can't seem to really connect w anyone which I didn't mind at first, but now it turnes out that my best friend M is going to leave to study in a different city in September, meaning I'll be all by myself..
Also there is this guy. He's taken but I'm kind of getting interested. I don't know if I'm getting interested in a romantic way or just a friend kinda way but I just find myself wanting to talk to him a lot all the time and it's really fucking frustrating.
And then there's this other guy from my class who I kind of want to hook up with but then again he seems to be VERY experienced to say the least, and I don't know if I could handle the pressure since I'm over here like
Now let's talk about the not so pretty things.
To be honest, I always expected to find friends I'm going to have for the rest of my life in university but right now it doesn't seem like it. Everyone I hang out with is super friendly and nice but I just can't seem to really connect w anyone which I didn't mind at first, but now it turnes out that my best friend M is going to leave to study in a different city in September, meaning I'll be all by myself..
And then there's this other guy from my class who I kind of want to hook up with but then again he seems to be VERY experienced to say the least, and I don't know if I could handle the pressure since I'm over here like
what is a boy....?
Right..
So there is that..
Another thing bothering me is the fact that (I just spilled coke all over my table I think that's a sign from god that he isn't very pleased with me using that picture of Holy Maria to describe my sex life) the guy who broke my heart is happy. I just saw him and his girlfriend going to Zara and god, just looking at them made me want to throw up.
I got back my SHERLOCK DVDs and everything after messaging him frist (!!) and when we met up, he fucking showed up 17 minutes too late. 17 fucking minutes.
I texted him "where r u" and he was all "ohh u r already here?? haha ok im on my way" WHAT THE FUCK I CLEARLY FUCKING SAID LET'S MEET AT 6PM WHAT MADE U THINK THAT BY 6PM I MEAN 6:17???????????? Goddamnit.
And then he forgot to bring my bag.
You know, I originally planned to just get my stuff and leave quietly without starting to talk about my life and everything but when he fucked up again so I decided to fucking gloat about everything that happened lately. Fuck you. I told him about my appartement, my hamster, uni, the party I was visiting after etc etc. and then I was like "ok I g2g I'm meeting someone bye" and left.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that he didn't apologise for being late :)
Just writing about this makes me so angry and mad god I want to rip his head off!!! I don't understand what I liked about him. Why did I think this boy was so special?? I don't understand. What the fuck??
So yeah, I've been busy.
Labels: angry, friends, life, life lesson, love, love life, random, regular, sad, university, weight loss journey
Moving on
written on Saturday, 28 February 2015 @ 14:38 ♡
I guess you could say I sort of moved on. I'm not completely over him since I keep getting annoyed by the fact that he's fucking ignoring me without telling me the reason for it but then again, that's what I also did to several people who I used to be friends with but who started to annoy me over time. Sigh. I hope that one day I meet someone who doesn't make things as complicated and frustrating as he did.
Another guy from my university asked me out. Sadly, not the one I recently started to fancy a little, but someone I had only spoken to once. I guess you could say I always attract the same type of guy: Nerds. I'm not saying nerds can't be attractive or cool, it's just that the ones who approach me usually aren't really my type. Why?
Did I mention that I got a second job at the library? I sent in my letter of application a year ago and finally they had a spot for me. I'm super happy I got the job but on the other hand I hate new situations especially when those situations contain new things I have to learn. New things which I'm bad at doing haha but oh well, I'll do my best.
Btw I changed the design. It's basically just a re-vamp of my old layout I had on Tumblr.
Another guy from my university asked me out. Sadly, not the one I recently started to fancy a little, but someone I had only spoken to once. I guess you could say I always attract the same type of guy: Nerds. I'm not saying nerds can't be attractive or cool, it's just that the ones who approach me usually aren't really my type. Why?
Did I mention that I got a second job at the library? I sent in my letter of application a year ago and finally they had a spot for me. I'm super happy I got the job but on the other hand I hate new situations especially when those situations contain new things I have to learn. New things which I'm bad at doing haha but oh well, I'll do my best.
Btw I changed the design. It's basically just a re-vamp of my old layout I had on Tumblr.
Labels: life, love, love life, university
Regretting
written on Sunday, 8 February 2015 @ 23:26 ♡
Today I posted some pictures of some notes I took during this lecture in the Whatsapp group in which everyone from my class is in and I regret doing that so much. They don't fucking deserve getting those answers why why whY DID I DO THAT??? Sometimes I really hate the way I am.
I feel like I try too hard to be liked. I'm an open book. I tell people everything about myself without thinking much about it and that annoys the shit out of me. Just shut up. shut up. sh ut uP.....!!!!
Part of me only posted those pictures because I need some positive karma tbh. Life has been shit lately and I am so stressed I started to cry today when I was walking home from the library. I walked past this church and idk what had gotten into me but I teared up. And no, I'm an atheist so it's not like I associate my sudden outburst of feelings with anything religious.. but still, just the thought of all those different people going into that church and praying for their own problems to go away and stuff made me emotional. And it also made me think of all the shit I've been through these past couple of days....or years.
The thing with my crush is still bothering the fuck out of me. I mean it's obvious he doesn't like me the way I like him, after all he doesn't bother to contact me at all..., but there's still this tiny glimpse of hope inside me that thinks "oh but he still might have feelings for me too???????". How can I make this stop? One-sided love is the worst. I hate this feeling so much. Why can't I meet someone nice who isn't problematic at all, who loves me with all his heart and who isn't a total asshole?
But no, the only guys who are interested in me are fucking morons. You don't understand how sad this whole issue makes me. It seems like I can't go through a day without thinking about him and how he doesn't give a shit about me.
I just want to be happy.. don't I deserve that?
And tomorrow I'm having another test which I haven't studied much for. Great. Good job, kid.
Labels: rant, sad, thoughts, university
Exams, week 1/2
written on Thursday, 5 February 2015 @ 22:39 ♡
I am screwed. Fuck. I should've started to study earlier, way earlier. I'm such a fucking idiot why do I have to experience an emotional breakdown and an existential crisis in order to get shit done?? I really need to sort out my priorities...
My exams went alright so far. I screwed up one of them for sure and the one that I'm writing tomorrow is probably not going to end that well, either. I haven't been to the lectures and I started to summarize the whole class script yesterday. Fucking YESTERDAY........... Amazing. I am truly gifted when it comes to procrastination. Even now, while writing this shit ass entry no one's going to read anyways, I'm procrastinating. I don't know shit about the subject... I'm going to fail.... why??
My exams went alright so far. I screwed up one of them for sure and the one that I'm writing tomorrow is probably not going to end that well, either. I haven't been to the lectures and I started to summarize the whole class script yesterday. Fucking YESTERDAY........... Amazing. I am truly gifted when it comes to procrastination. Even now, while writing this shit ass entry no one's going to read anyways, I'm procrastinating. I don't know shit about the subject... I'm going to fail.... why??
Labels: life, university
Actually,
written on Thursday, 29 January 2015 @ 20:43 ♡
Restarting this blog and closing blog.yehet.me was a really good idea. I don't feel as obligated to post as much anymore and that actually makes me want to write more. I miss having affiliates and people to talk to, though. I'll probably message some of those people soon so that they know I still exist.
Today I had my first exam at uni. I hope I passed /sigh
Yesterday I coloured my hair and it's darker than expected. I hated it at first but now I'm actually starting to like it. I feel like my hair reflects my emotional crisis perfectly and I really like the way I look when I combine it with dark red lipstick. I'm planning on buying some new ones by MAC as soon as I get my salery.
I snapchatted my crush today because I looked good and he replied. Halleluja! But still no sign of him asking me to hang out again. I need to get a life and move on, seriously.
Today I had my first exam at uni. I hope I passed /sigh
Yesterday I coloured my hair and it's darker than expected. I hated it at first but now I'm actually starting to like it. I feel like my hair reflects my emotional crisis perfectly and I really like the way I look when I combine it with dark red lipstick. I'm planning on buying some new ones by MAC as soon as I get my salery.
I snapchatted my crush today because I looked good and he replied. Halleluja! But still no sign of him asking me to hang out again. I need to get a life and move on, seriously.
Labels: just me thinking out loud, life, love, university
I feel like crying
written on Tuesday, 27 January 2015 @ 20:55 ♡
Today my mum needs more money so she got herself a second job. It's at the same grocery store I work at. Great, huh? Now everytime she works I will be there too :)))) Totally awesome, right?!? And the best part is the bakery she works at is exactly in front of the checkout I usually sit at. Isn't life perfect these days?
My crush doesn't give a shit about me, I guess I interpreted everything the wrong way. He stopped replying to my messages and didn't snap me back. He didn't ask me to meet again and just in general I get the feeling that this is not working out. I guess I was just bothering him.
I hate that I am looking at my phone every 5 seconds because he MIGHT've messaged me. I should just turn it off and leave it at home..
I don't get it. What the fuck have I done to deserve this shit? I know, I know, there are people who have it far worse, I KNOW. But that doesn't make my problems any less valid. I honestly just want to cry everything sucks so much..
Right now I'm trying really hard not to break down in tears because of all the shitty things happening to me lately. University is also stressing me out and my best friend is away and there isn't really anyone else I want to talk to besides her.
I just want to quit everything and move somewhere far away and start over. But then again I am not brave enough and I would miss too many people.
Labels: love, love life, rant, sad, university
Haha
written on Thursday, 15 January 2015 @ 22:41 ♡
Someone from uni stalked me and found my blog and he was the one I wrote about in that rant blog entry, so yeah don't expect me to use this blog anymore I'm gone you can delete me, he ruined my online life :)
Labels: university
Universtiy
written on Thursday, 9 October 2014 @ 16:36 ♡
It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been very busy lately and didn't feel like writing much to be honest. I'm sorry for not replying to any comments but I'm just a lazy piece of shit..
University started, like already mentioned in my previous post and it's really cool so far. I am slightly surprised that it looks like I'll have to study A LOT. Honestly, I thought uni will be easy and that I could kind of lean back and enjoy "the roller coaster of life". Yeah, right.
People are very nice so far. I mean, I guess there are always those people you don't like, not because they are mean or anything, but just because they annoy the fuck out of you. So far there are four people like that, which is a rather small number if you take in concideration that we are 83 people.
Today I also befriended (?) some new people and one of them was this one girl who ALSO HAS TUMBLR AND LIKES THE SAME STUFF AS ME?? I was honestly shocked. I never thought I would meet a human being with the same weird interests as me outside from the internet.
Another thing that happened was, that when I went to this one class me and one of my new friends chose, like always, I ended up embarrassing myself. Basically in this class you learn how to have good presentations and how to talk in front of a lot of people in general and we had some sort of warm up where you had to stand in front of this whole class for one minute without saying anything. Then after that minute was over, you were supposed to talk about yourself and why you wanted to join this course for another minute. I did that... and then I didn't have anything else to talk about. So I started to talk about my nails. Yeah. My fucking nails. People laughed but I don't think the teacher thought I was funny, so yeah, I guess I won't be visiting that course ever again.
University started, like already mentioned in my previous post and it's really cool so far. I am slightly surprised that it looks like I'll have to study A LOT. Honestly, I thought uni will be easy and that I could kind of lean back and enjoy "the roller coaster of life". Yeah, right.
People are very nice so far. I mean, I guess there are always those people you don't like, not because they are mean or anything, but just because they annoy the fuck out of you. So far there are four people like that, which is a rather small number if you take in concideration that we are 83 people.
Today I also befriended (?) some new people and one of them was this one girl who ALSO HAS TUMBLR AND LIKES THE SAME STUFF AS ME?? I was honestly shocked. I never thought I would meet a human being with the same weird interests as me outside from the internet.
Another thing that happened was, that when I went to this one class me and one of my new friends chose, like always, I ended up embarrassing myself. Basically in this class you learn how to have good presentations and how to talk in front of a lot of people in general and we had some sort of warm up where you had to stand in front of this whole class for one minute without saying anything. Then after that minute was over, you were supposed to talk about yourself and why you wanted to join this course for another minute. I did that... and then I didn't have anything else to talk about. So I started to talk about my nails. Yeah. My fucking nails. People laughed but I don't think the teacher thought I was funny, so yeah, I guess I won't be visiting that course ever again.
Labels: embarrassing, friends, life, university