Civil War
written on Monday, 2 May 2016 @ 07:03 ♡
As you may or not may know I am currently trying out the McDougall Diet for Maximum Weight Loss but I decided to cheat that day because we were both getting really hungry and felt like eathing some snacks during the movie. Well, I guess you could say as soon as I was on my way home, my digestion declared civil war. I sat on the toilet for a long-ass time and I felt so sick the whole evening. After two or more hours of not being able to sleep I ended up waking up at 5.30am.
I read something in the book and also in some of the Amazon reviews that apparently people who decided to eat like they used to before going on this "diet" experieced something like that but I didn't think that I would, too! Man, let me tell you; I am not doing that again! It is not worth it. Apparently my body reacted that way because it was already getting used to eating so clean that eating the unhealthy processed stuff was too irritating. And I only ate some pretzel sticks, vegan dark chocolate (80%) and drank 1L of Coca Cola Zero.
Damn.
Edit: I'll be changing the layout to something way more simple with a bigger font size soon. I love the current Apink one, I really do, but it is not very pleasant to the eyes..
Labels: life lesson, love life, rant, weight loss, weight loss journey
I fucked up, Episode 666 - A married man
written on Wednesday, 27 May 2015 @ 21:54 ♡
He agreed. I thought things were alright now, but lol no nvm he started to flirt again. And again. And again. I tried to be as nice as possible since I really do like him but just not like that, I think? Also I don’t want things to get weird between us at work.
Labels: life, life lesson, love, love life, well
Parties
written on Friday, 8 May 2015 @ 21:40 ♡
I tried really hard to have fun at parties several times but without alcohol there is literally no way I can have a good time. I'd say I'm a rather outgoing person when it comes to talking to people but only when it's a managable amout. At parties where it's crowded and full of boys and girls being loud and enjoying themselves, I feel small and out of place, sometimes I'm even scared.
Today my best friend M, her friends and I went to their graduation party (well, they are still celebrating, it's just me who left). It's a big event in our city and everyone who did their a levels is going or already went.
When we arrived everyone was already hammered and shouting. It was horrible and I wanted to leave immedately. I couldn't do that though, since my best friend would've been pissed. After 15min I decided I wouldn't be able to bare this yelling and uncomfortable feeling for more than another 30min or sth and when we went to get some alcohol I saw how someone damaging my bike by accident. Great. I went there and got 15€ and went home (well, I also sad good-bye I didn't just leave..). I was fucking done with this fucking bullshit.
To be honest, I could've gotten 20€ but I was trying really hard not to cry so 15 it was..
Great evening, huh?
The only good thing about today is that I realised something;
I am never ever going to force myself to go to a stupid party again.
Tomorrow there's a birthday party of this guy from my universtiy to which I got invited to and originally, I planned to go, even though I have to work before this untill 10pm meaning I'd arrive at about 11pm which is a little pointless tbh but then again I didn't want to disappoint this guy.
Well, I changed my mind. I'll cancel.
Labels: angry, life, life lesson, sad
+ I lost 4kg, - I hate everyone pt 2
written on Wednesday, 6 May 2015 @ 17:23 ♡
Now let's talk about the not so pretty things.
To be honest, I always expected to find friends I'm going to have for the rest of my life in university but right now it doesn't seem like it. Everyone I hang out with is super friendly and nice but I just can't seem to really connect w anyone which I didn't mind at first, but now it turnes out that my best friend M is going to leave to study in a different city in September, meaning I'll be all by myself..
And then there's this other guy from my class who I kind of want to hook up with but then again he seems to be VERY experienced to say the least, and I don't know if I could handle the pressure since I'm over here like
Labels: angry, friends, life, life lesson, love, love life, random, regular, sad, university, weight loss journey
I let a boy break my heart
written on Tuesday, 17 February 2015 @ 03:17 ♡
I literally can't remember the last time I cried this much.
Today is the day my first love broke my heart.
My best friend M had an interview today so we went to this big city and generally had a good time. Everything was fine untill we drove home (the way I'm writing this sounds so dramatic lmao but well it really was dramatic so I guess my style of writing is appropriate). M was going to this carneval party later so I helped her to get ready at her house, which means I had to go home by bus. Which means there was a slight chance I would meet my first love B. Of course, I didn't actually believe I would meet him, haha, that would be too much of a coincidence. I mean..., I've met him at the library 3 times by coincidence and about 4 times in the bus in the last couple of months, so today definitely won't be another one of those lucky days, right?
Wrong.
I met him.
I went to the back of the bus and sat down and when we stopped at "his" bus stop, oh surprise, I saw him. My first thought was "Oh shit. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore the last time we met". My second thought was "Whatever! Yay I'm seeing him again!"
He looked at me and I smiled. He smiled back, then he nodded.
It was the kind of nod you give someone you know but don't really talk to.
Then I saw that he was with a gorgeous girl who was holding a big Bouqet with beautiful flowers. Obviously they had a date at his house and probably went to eat or something idk.
Usually, whenever he met me or just saw me somewhere, he ALWAYS walked up to me, hugged me and we talked.
But nope, not today.
The awkward nod was all I got today. He fucking turned around and sat somewhere else with her. Seperately. And I was able to stare at his pretty girlfriend smiling at him and his back. All the seats near me were free, so of course he did that on purpose.
He ignored me.
He fucking ignored me.
What the fuck.
WE SLEPT IN THE SAME BED AND CUDDLED YOU ASSHOLE YOU CAN'T JUST IGNORE ME ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS........
So yeah, my heart broke. I'm pretty sure they are dating and that actually explains a lot.
You know I kept wondering; why didn't he ask me to hang out again? Why doesn't he text me? And when he does, why does he stop replying in the middle of a conversation all the time?
Well, now I know. He has a girlfriend and didn't feel the need to tell me..
I just don't get it though. Why did he do the things he did when he doesn't have any feelings for me or if he thinks I'm annoying? He probably thought I was cool at the beginning but when he got to know me better he decided that I was a pain in the ass and started to slowly ignore me more and more so that he wouldn't have to confront me about how annoying he thinks I am.
I just feel so stupid for believing that we could actually get together at some point. Hell.. Or that he liked me. I am so fucking naive. I hate myself for letting a guy get to me the way he did.
I swear I won't ever get as attached to a guy as much as I was attached to him. I'm done with getting hurt and over-thinking every-fucking-thing a guy said or did. The next time I'm interested in someone I'm going to directly ask where this whole thing is going and I won't run after him like a fucking dog. I'm not going through this again.
I deleted all of his texts. All my screencaps of cute things he said to me. All his Facebook messages. All his pictures.
Thank god.
Of course I cried when I arrived home after seeing them and then I thought "hey, while I'm at it, I can also read this old message on Facebook I found from my father to whom I haven't talked to in 8 years".
Haha, what a great Idea. What a really fucking great Idea.
His message killed me. It made me feel like a horrible person and I cried even more. God, I couldn't stop crying.. My friend called and she was like "Hey how are you?" and I couldn't even say anything I just straight up started to cry and it took me a little to calm down. I told her everything and it helped but well, I needed my best friend M who was at this carneval party as I mentioned earlier.
Thank god M said she'd come. At 12pm we met outside and the moment I saw her I started to cry my eyes out again. This went on for some time and then we ended up walking around in our city and talking.
I'm really lucky to have someone like her in my life. Shes family and I can't imagine life without her. Walking and talking helped me so so so much and I'm alright now.
I mean, yeah, it still hurts and I'm angry and sad because of what happened, but I'm feeling better.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Labels: angry, life, life lesson, love, love life, sad, thoughts
Resolutions
written on Thursday, 11 September 2014 @ 00:15 ♡
By "men" I am only referring to real life men, of course. I won't ever stop swooning over celebrities to be honest. Actually, I feel like having an imaginary relationship with a famous singer or actor is way more satisfying than having a real life crush anyways. I mean there is no fear of rejection ever, he won't disappoint you and you don't have to worry about whether he's going to text you back or not... I mean, I guess sometimes you want to actually connect with someone forreal but common, that's just one negative aspect!!
But jokes aside, I really want to think more about myself and concentrate on fulfilling my dreams that don't involve finding The One. Starting tomorrow I am going to do this crazy unhealthy diet I once did for instance, since my eating habits are getting worse and worse and I'm gaining weight. I am doing this for me and I want to be comfortable in my own skin..
I am also going to focus more on my korean studies. Yes, I've said that I will do that so many times but this time, I am really going to get my shit together and learn the language. And besides, I need something to keep me occupied so that I don't think about how hungry I am while being on this diet anyway, so who knows, I might be fluent in korean in a few months??? lmao
It feels good to actually write down those resolutions and to have a plan, to have something to focus on. I hope I'll stay as motivated as I am right now.
Labels: life, life lesson, love life, weight loss journey
Marvel's Agent who pissed herself
written on Thursday, 17 April 2014 @ 19:17 ♡
I AM SO ANGRY. I just wrote a whole blog entry and fucking shit ass Tumblr didn’t save it properly SO NOW I HAVE TO RE-WRITE IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I hate life.
So as far as I remember, the first thing I wrote about was Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and how much I adore this show and Marvel in general. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is filled with unexpected plot twists which left me screaming in surprise. Seriously, YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS SHOW!!
(I wrote way more in my original post but I am too pissed to go into detail again)
Anyways, talking about Marvel. I went to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier and HOLY SHIT, let me tell you, this movie was brilliant! There was so much action and suspense, I thought my nerves would be the death of me. Typical for Marvel, biggest plot twist ever concerning Bucky! I definitely did not expect that… but maybe that’s only because I kept myself away from all the spoilers and I think I didn’t even watch the trailer so…
AAAnd I think im going to see the new Spiderman movie as soon as it’s in cinemas in my country, although I already know about the, let’s say “tragic thing” that is going to happen which kind of sucks.. Won’t stop me from watching the movie though. Hopefully my friend will go with me or I’ll have to force my mum to accompany me. Again. Just like last year when none of my friends wanted to see the movie. Sigh, I am surrounded by idiots who don’t hold the capacity to appreaciate all the masterpiece’s Marvel has created so far. //sighs for a 1000 years
Yesterday, I started to read “Obsidian" by Jennifer Armentrout, which is a very very very Twilight-like novel, although Armentrout’s writing is a litte better than Meyer’s in my opinion. Let’s see what I’ll have to say about the book after finishing it.
Besides watching the K-Drama ”Cunning Single Lady" (love it!!) and some J-Movies here and there (they are really good!!), I started “Witch’s Romance”. And guys. GUYS. FINALLY A DRAMA WITHOUT THOSE AWKWARD SUPER SHY KISSES THAT MAKE ME CRINGE!!! There are only 2 episodes so far and hOT DAMN:
So yes. I’m definitely continuing to watch this.
Because my anger kind of faded away, let me tell you the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me.
This is the story about a girl who pissed herself.
I swear to god, there is no one more stupid than me. The other day I was at this café with my friend and I really needed to go to the restroom.
My friend waited in front of the door since we were planing to go home afterwards. I was so focused on telling her how my teacher yelled at me earlier that I didn’t notice that I had forgotten to actually OPEN the toilet. And I had already started to pee. Great.
I realized what was happening when I started to feel something cold running down my leg, but it was too late.
I had peed myself.
Thank god I brought my sports wear with me because of school so I was able to quickly change my trousers but holy shit, how can someone be that dumb?! I mean… I FUCKING PEED MYSELF and on the floor…
At least I was smart enough to tell my friend that I had gotten my period so that she wouldn’t ask any unnecessary questions about the scandalous crime I had committed.
Yeah, I have officially reached a new low. I just feel so sorry for the cleaning ladies.
I hope that’ll never happen to any of you (and if it does, I hope you have another pair of pants with you).
Labels: embarrassing, kdrama talk, life lesson, regular
Lesson #1: Be Egoistic
written on Tuesday, 7 January 2014 @ 16:31 ♡
It’s only january and I already lost a friend.
Since the “New Year’s Incedent" my friend former friend doesn’t talk to me anymore. On New Year’s Eve, on my way to my other friend’s house where I was going to celebrate the end 2013, we talked via WhatsApp and she kind of freaked out about the fact that I was planing on getting drunk. She said girls aren’t supposed to do that and that I am cheap and disgusting for drinking. Her saying that annoyed me, but I didn’t have any time to really explain to her that it’s New Year's for fucks sake and that it's my decision if I want to drink alcohol or not, since by then I had already arrived at my friend’s house.
The next day, I replied to all her, let’s say, opinions but she ignored my text and yeah, … that’s it I guess? I don’t want to message her again and I don’t really get why she has to behave so childish.
This is really frustrating.
Anyway, let’s talk about my sudden evolution of the need to fully accept myself the way I am. Recently I started to ask myself deep questions like “Do I really want to do that?”, “Do I really want to be around this person?”, “Do I really need to fulfill everyone’s expectations?”, “Should I really stop eating that so I don’t get any fatter because being fat, is regarded as not pretty in our society?”.
The answer is no. No, because the only person I need to please is mygoddamnself (and maybe my also mum a little bit but most importantly myself!!). I think it’s okay to have flaws, it’s okay to occasionally have dirty thoughts in public heheh and it’s also okay to sometimes tell people who are rude to fuck off.
Yesterday there was this big pre-A-Levels-party and I really did not want to go. I didn’t want to see my former crush since I’m currently in the process of comepletely and utterly moving on and I also didn’t want to see anyone else from my year because I literally hate about 95% of them. So I simply stayed at home.
My friends although were rather displeased, I guess, since one of them for example, again, tried to make me jealous and told me how much fun they had and what a hot guy they saw. But I couldn’t care less.
I think what’s important is that you realize that the only person that matters is yourself - attention! I am not saying your family and friends aren’t important okay -. Think about what makes you happy and yes, basically just be an egoist.
(For some reason I am not able to embed a video into this text post but check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk It’s “Let It Go” from Frozen. I remember being at the cinema and actually CRYING because this song made me so emotional.. I love this movie!!)
Labels: life lesson, New Year's, rant, regular, thoughts