Regretting

I feel like I try too hard to be liked. I'm an open book. I tell people everything about myself without thinking much about it and that annoys the shit out of me. Just shut up. shut up. sh ut uP.....!!!! 

Part of me only posted those pictures because I need some positive karma tbh. Life has been shit lately and I am so stressed I started to cry today when I was walking home from the library. I walked past this church and idk what had gotten into me but I teared up. And no, I'm an atheist so it's not like I associate my sudden outburst of feelings with anything religious.. but still, just the thought of all those different people going into that church and praying for their own problems to go away and stuff made me emotional. And it also made me think of all the shit I've been through these past couple of days....or years.

The thing with my crush is still bothering the fuck out of me. I mean it's obvious he doesn't like me the way I like him, after all he doesn't bother to contact me at all..., but there's still this tiny glimpse of hope inside me that thinks "oh but he still might have feelings for me too???????". How can I make this stop? One-sided love is the worst. I hate this feeling so much. Why can't I meet someone nice who isn't problematic at all, who loves me with all his heart and who isn't a total asshole? 

But no, the only guys who are interested in me are fucking morons. You don't understand how sad this whole issue makes me. It seems like I can't go through a day without thinking about him and how he doesn't give a shit about me. 

I just want to be happy.. don't I deserve that?

And tomorrow I'm having another test which I haven't studied much for. Great. Good job, kid.

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