I made out with an engaged man

So the guy I talked about in my previous post, A, he and I continued to text and he didn’t stop flirting even though I mentioned his fiancé and everything. I have to admit, I could’ve easily stopped talking to him but I still thought this whole thing was exciting somehow.  I’m an idiot, I know.

So yeah, basically yesterday he asked me to come to visit him at work. I went there an hour earlier than him to, you know, actually study since I do have a few exams comming up soon.

When his shift began I started to get nervous. I mean we hadn’t seen each other after the bus incident.. What if things would be awkward?

Things were alright though. My nervousness disappeared and we talked a little when he came tot he 2nd floor and visited me haha. He then continued to put back some books and then I got a text in which he asked if I wanted to go to this „Cinema room“ where you can watch DVDs and stuff (yes the library I work at is rly cool). I immediately knew that he definitely did not want to just watch a fucking movie and got nervous again. But I agreed to go there, though. I thought hey, I can always leave and I think I’d regret rejecting him so..

We went to this room and chose a zombie movie. When the movie started I noticed him looking at me and when I turned my head he suddenly kissed me. Or should I say attacked me?????

I have little to no experience with kissing so everything was a little overwhelming. Instead of starting slow and with sweet kisses he literally just pushed his tounge down my throat…………… not sexy at all.

I stopped him to kind of clear my thoughts and to remember everything I read about kissing lmao.. but of course I didn’t tell him that. I asked him about his fiancé and how he could do this to her if he loves her. He told me he loves her. So I asked him why he’s kissing me then and he said it was because he likes me. What the fuck. He honestly didn’t have a bad conciousness AT ALL and I don’t think that he understood that what he was doing was wrong. What a fucking moron. But whatever, call me heartless or an egoist but I didn’t really care about all of that. I just needed time to think about whether I’d kiss him again or just leave.

After some awkward silence and me doing a pro and contra list I said ok whatever let’s continue. So we did.

And boy, he kept french kissing me the whole time. . it didn’t get better. And I didn’t feel a thing. He started to touch me, too, which also didn’t really do it for me.

I kind of always imagined us kissing to be a little more… hot?? Exciting?? W a little less tounge??? I thought it would be sexy to do something so „scandalous“ and forbidden I guess, but no,.. nothing.

I just felt empty and bored lol

So then I was like ok.. let’s stop now I’ll continue to study. And he was like right as if you could concentrate now. And I just thought why whouldn’t I be able to???? ITS NOT LIKE ANYTHING EXCITING HAPPENED ???

So yeah.

After that I stayed for another 30mins and then I went to go home. Downstairs he must’ve noticed that I wasn’t happy with the whole sitaution or that I looked disappointed bc he later messaged me „r u ok you looked annoyed“ and I just blamed it on a friend saying that she annoyed me with something instead of telling him that I’m thinking about whether I could pass as an asexual after our make out session…