Life

I'm getting more and more afraid of my future. I don't know what I want to study when I'm at uni. I just can't really see myself doing the same thing for the rest of my life. I need a variety of things to do, but that requires being really educated which I am not. True, I may not be stupid and I do have some qualities, I guess, but in the end, they are nothing you need in order to be successfull.
Why can't things be easier?

When I was in England with my Advanced English course I realized how unexperienced and what a prude I am. Everyone, fucking EVERYONE had already at least kissed someone. Everyone, but me.
Most of the people also had had their first time.
I just feel like something is wrong with me. I know, I know; It's okay to not have done all those things and one day my time will come blah blah. But really? I just cant help it and doubt this. What if I never find my soul mate? I usually joke about it, but what if I really die alone?
This is ridiculous. I am only 18, yet I am afraid as fuck.
I don't want to have my first kiss when I'm 35 or something.
Sometimes I think about just going to a party and make out with some stranger who'll probably not remember anything the next day. But then again, I don't want to be that kind of girl (I mean it's okay if you are and stuff it's just not the right thing for me to do, I think). I want my frist kiss to be special and with someone I really like.
Well, good luck with that.

Labels: life, love, school

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