My crush
written on Thursday, 8 August 2013 @ 03:14 ♡
So this guy I used to like (I blogged a lot about him on omashu), he keeps texting me and everything and I just don't know what he wants.
I'm now going to write down the whole "development" of our relationship just to clear my mind, so ignore this post if you're not into reading thoughts of a desperate and totally lost teenager.
How everything started
The new school year started which meant we would get new courses with new people. He, let's call him K, sat next to me in order to sit near his friends. During the whole year we didn't really talk that much but you know, we got along very well. We never texted though.
Real-Talk!
We had january or february and it was so cold that one wasn't able to use the public transport anymore because everything was frozen, so I had to actually walk to school, since my mum didn't allow me to stay at home. After falling on the ground several times I finally arrived in school just to find out that ALL MY CLASSES HAVE BEEN CANCELLED
I basically went to school for nothing. Well, there was this plenary session sceduled for later which is why I decided to stay anyways. K and his friend where the only people around who also didn't have any classes which is why I, after giving it some thoughts, decided to walk up to them and ask them if I could join them. K's friend ignored us and listened to music whereas K talked to me and man, I basically told him everything that was bothering me that time and he gave me advice. We ended up being late for this plenary session which only lasted for 10 miNUTES??? and then the school allowed everyone to go home.
Facebook
Then he started to message me on Facebook. We talked about some really deep stuff and to be honest, I was shocked!! I NEVER TALKED TO A GUY LIKE THAT BEFORE. Every guy I've ever been friends with has been a total jerk but he seemed different.
Hints
Of course I fell for him, who wouldn't; he's such a sweet guy.. So I started to give him hints but he didn't really give any response and honestly, after basically getting rejected, I felt like shit. I listened to the saddest songs I could find but as you can see read, I'm still alive. So yeah, I got over it.
We didn't stop texting, everything was still normal and every once in a while we talked in school. Hanging out in school is still kind of difficult because sadly, we both have completely different friends and I don't even know if he wants to hang out in school. See that's the problem. I don't know wHAT HE WANTS???????
He also gives me compliments well sort of... and sometimes K says really weird things but I don't know I just...?????
Current Situation
Since we are having summer break and he's abroad, there is absolutely no way we were/are going to see each other.
I also stopped messaging K first at the beginning of our hollidays and I didn't hear from him for 2-3 weeks so I assumed our "friendship" or whatever that was/is was over. But he got in touch with me again and yeah,...we are now talking again?
It's weird.
Really really weird.
What the hell does he want from me? I mean talking online is nice and everything but I don't want an online friendship I ALREADY HAVE ONLINE FRIENDS U FUCKING DOUCHEBAG I want to be friends in real life. ONLY FRIENDS. Yes I am over him, or at least I deeply hope that I am .. anyways, my point is; CAN HE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FRICK IS GOING ON BECAUSE I REALLY WANT TO KNOW IF HE LIKES ME OR NOT PLEASE JUST TELL ME ALREADY
It takes every fucking ounce of my self control not to just yell at him ughhhhhhhh
I mean, he didn't respond to my hints which implied that I would like to hangout with him some time. That means he doesn't even want to be friends, right? There was also a time when we completely avoided each other in school.. so that's another sign, isn't it?
So why does he keep messaging me?
I don't get it.